May 4, 2011

I am rapidly reaching a limit as to what I can write about my brother.  The situations are getting harder and and more delicate so out of respect for him and his family, I've started to censor myself (a strange concept for anyone who knows me).  With that said, his pain is not well controlled at all.  The hospice group is going to try some different approaches to his pain management and when asked to comment, my reply was simply but truthfully, "it sounds very rational and reasonable to me."  The last thing I want is for my brother to suffer in pain.  I didn't do that for my dog or my wife's cat.  I sure as hell don't want it for my brother. 

To be honest, I'm not sure how he's even doing it.  The other day on my way to my exam, I just started having tears randomly stream down my face while careening down the freeway.  Nothing specific prompted it.  No bits of memory, no emotional song, nothing.  But down they came, regardless.  I composed myself as best I could, which is to say I looked like everyone else there (students with bags under their eyes and a haphazard look about them are not exactly unusual during exam time), took my exam which was a blur and I'll be damned if the tears didn't start flowing again while driving home.  And then I repeated the whole cycle two days later.  I don't know how he endures the pain 24/7.  I'm a basket case but that's probably right where I need to be.


Robert said...


Does Josh's situation present as one that is protracted or are things just closer than we want to even think?

I am sad. I remember my time in this situation all too well.

Anonymous said...

We are in Murphy and have been keeping up with Josh through your wonderful posts. Prayers will continue and we will always be close if Anna and the kids need anything.
Craig and Colleen Loveland

Nancy said...

Isaac thank you so much for sharing. Your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I pray for comfort and peace and I won't pretend to understand your pain. Just know that I honestly do care.