May 21, 2011
It's damned hard work dying, both for the one who's dying as well as the living standing by and aiding the process. We're having to dose him every hour on the hour, sometimes more frequently (4 times in the 4 am hour). Yes, there is a critical care nurse here but to put it delicately, I have far more working knowledge of what needs to be done at this point. And by training, the ones here 24/7 are LVNs, not RNs like the ones who come in periodically. They'd be fine for a run-of-the-mill case but they're just not well equipped to handle an exceptionally difficult case like my brother. As a consequence I've gotten about two, two and a half hours sleep tonight. I'm not saying that out of self-pity because I'm certainly not the only one lacking sleep here. And nothing compares to what my brother is experiencing. I'm just trying to convey the facts of why it's such a difficult situation. Everything possible is being done and we've made use of every resource at our disposal. The RN who was assigned to this case mentioned today that he's never had such a difficult case with trying to control the pain. But we have the pain under control and that is what's important. Sadly, he hasn't had any real consciousness since that experience with his son earlier today, or yesterday, or hell what ever day it was. I have no idea anymore. Day pushes up night and night covers day. It's all a blur to me which is why I write. I want to have some recollection of this time down the road and I don't trust my memory to be accurate anymore.