May 22, 2011

anguish

Exhaustion and frustration turn to anguish and grief.  A few moments before the 2:00 am dosing, the demeanor of my brother changes.  His respiration, though the same in rate, changes in pattern.  The all too familiar twitches of his legs and arms cease.  His face no longer looks so strained.  I forgo the dose and instead opt to begin waking the adults.  Sleepily, the wife, the mom and dad, and me surround my brother.  His wife is on his left and his mom on the right.  His dad is at the foot of the hospital bed and I'm near him.  Our parents remember the details of his birth while his wife tells of their first date, but mostly it's a heavy silence.  Periodically, I measure the respiration rate.  True to form, he keeps on fighting and going.  About an hour passes and slowly, his breathing rate drops to 20....18....16....14....12.....down to 8 breaths per minute.  It's time.  His wife wakes and brings the kids in.  Seeing his kids present begins to unleash the tears in everyone.  Kleenex boxes are rapidly being emptied.  And at 3:30 am, my brother draws his last breath.  Now the gut wrenching grief and wailing truly begin.  My nephew and niece's dad, my sister-in-law's husband, my parents' son, and my brother is dead.

In deference to the acute grief, we request that you please wait a few days before inundating my sister-in-law with your condolences.  I will post the information for the funeral arrangements as soon as they are finalized.

14 comments:

rsedaker said...

(heavy sigh)....

I .....

my heart is heavy... I am sorry for the pain he endured but I am grateful for the love he was able to give and receive.

I wish you all peace, and that your dad has a far better treatment outcome.

Aldena Gerber said...

Oh Isaac.....I am so sorry....sorry for the loss of a father, husband, son, brother, friend....he will be missed.
I am crying with you all.
Aldena

Curtis said...

I am so sorry. So very, very sorry.

He will be missed tremendously but I take solace in the fact that his suffering is over.

Anonymous said...

Josh's pain has ended....He brought joy to those who knew him and he will be missed.

You are all in my prayers and heart.

Anonymous said...

May he rest in peace! He will truly be missed by all who knew him. My deepest sympathies are with you.

Nancy said...

His body is restored and he is without pain.
Praying for comfort for all of you that he left behind.
Nancy

Anne Gifford said...

At least Josh is no longer in pain. I really appreciate your blog that kept us all updated. My prayers are with you and your whole family. I know your grief. I know you will miss him. He fought hte good fight.

Linda VanSligtenhorst said...

We are so, so sad and sorry for everyone's loss. There are hundreds of people praying for you all during this time, and we hope and trust that you are feeling those prayers surround you.

Fred & Linda

Evie said...

Oh Josh,
I am so sorry for the loss of Josh's life and for the many losses yet to be endured.
Evie

Aaron said...

Nothing I could say would help, but God knows all.

Anonymous said...

We are very sorry for your loss. We are praying for your family during this difficult time. God Bless.

The Huber family

Jason said...

Isaac,

You and your family have been and will continue to be in our prayers.

-j

Steve Parker, M.D. said...

My condonlences to you and yours, Isaac.

To Josh: ave atque vale.

-Steve

Anonymous said...

I know I don't know you or you family, but I have read the blog. Josh still lives on in your hearts and in your thoughts. He's fought a good fight. Atleast he died knowing he had a loving family. He will be missed.