May 20, 2011

2:30 am

A few weeks ago, the pain spiked 1 to 2 times a day.  A day or two ago, it was 3 to 4.  Yesterday, it was every 4 hours.  After midnight, we've been dealing with pain until 2:30 am when he finally got relief that lasted longer than 5 minutes.  I loaded him up with morphine at doses that were doubled just like the hospice instructed.  Didn't touch it.  I did more.  Nothing.  My mom turns to me and says, "this isn't working, is it."  It wasn't really a question, more of a statement of fact.  I resorted to cutting up methadone lines like a coke head.  With the help of my mom, we got the white powder into a syringe and mixed it up with orange juice.  His wife joined in and we constantly tried to keep him calm and get his body into a position that worked while waiting for relief.  With each passing minute, I increasingly doubted that relief would come.  An hour, the longest hour imagineable, it finally came and he's now asleep.  The question is for how long.....

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