June 23, 2011
I can still remember the very end. I wanted to watch them roll my brother's lifeless body out the door and to the van. I'm not sure why. It felt a moral necessity, to be there as a witness to everything - his last pain, his last breath, his last trip out of the house. So I held the door open as they made their way out in the half light of morning. I stood their numbly not knowing what to do next. The nurse then turned to me and said, "you did a good job." That floored me. I usually don't crave, or even need reassurance. An intuitive compass, so to speak. But when she told me that, I teared up and we hugged. To hear it from another medical professional, especially one in a hospice setting, meant something to me.