April 6, 2011


This beer was a gift from some very caring people who know what it is to watch a loved one struggle with cancer.  I was saving the last one for something to celebrate.  I kept waiting and waiting but it seems to me that joy has left my life.  There's nothing left to celebrate.  My brother received word today that the cancer may have spread to the brain/neck (we're still waiting on the final results of the MRI).  His chemo slot this week has been cancelled and he's on schedule to meet with a brain/spine oncologist next Tuesday.  With nothing to celebrate I figured I'd honor the pain.  Life is all too short - what a ridiculously appropriate cliche - so I took the beer outside and drank it while watching the purple martins fly overhead.  My parents have headed up to Dallas to be with my brother.  I wish I could go with them but exams loom in front of me.  How am I going to take exams in the midst of this?  The exams start tomorrow but the pain is right here and right now.  I'm not sure how one recovers from this pain.

Later in the day, my brother calls back.  I'm not sure I understand all the results since I haven't seen the pathology report yet but it sounds like the brain is clear.  So I guess there was some small victory to celebrate after all.  There is something, however, on his cervical spine (neck) that may or may not involve the cebrospinal fluid.  He has apppointments on Thursday and Tuesday to get the full story and decide in which direction (surgery vs radiation) to take.

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