guilt

I remember when my wife was pregnant with him, people would ask us, "do you want a boy or girl?"  Both of our response was the same.  It never changed.  It never wavered.  "We just want him or her to be born healthy."
     But you don't think of the diseases that lie in wait.  Those that are not apparent from birth.  Those that are part genetic, part environmental.  A ticking time bomb waiting to go off when the wrong set of circumstances start an abnormal chain of events in the brain resulting in catastrophic and horrendous consequences.  Suicidal thoughts that are as strong as the urge to eat, if not stronger.  And as a parent, you beat yourself up over and over and over again for missing the signs.  How could I, of all people miss the signs?  But when it's your own child.......you fail to see the signposts.  At the time, they are subtle.  In retrospect, those signposts are harsh and glaring, mocking me for my failure.  You think it's teenage angst.  Or just a phase.  By the time you've got it identified, the irreparable damage has been done.