It has not been a good week for me. I blew my chances at honors or high pass in Gross Anatomy and I think I might have just failed an exam for the first time in Developmental Anatomy. And I'm not even sure why. Well, I bombed because I didn't know the material half as well as I thought I did. What I'm not clear on is why I didn't know it. Or, more to the point, why I didn't even want to know it. I've yet to come up with a satisfactory answer. It's not like I'm not capable. I dislike this class immensely but I've conquered classes I hated before. It's almost like I wanted to see how far I could push the envelope of complacency and still do well. See, my whole academic life I was always at the top. At some point in my life, I guess I no longer wanted to compete for those accolades. Then when I got into med school suddenly I was average since everybody there was in the top of their class. But it didn't make me feel insecure. It made me feel like not wanting to compete for grades. I'm not sure why. And so I guess I swung the pendulum a little too far in the opposite direction towards 'not giving a damn'.