October 18, 2010

present tense

The first question I usually get from people is, "how's med school going?"  After giving an impression of the struggle that it is, their response inevitably rides along the lines of, "it will all be worth it in the end."  I can understand why they say that.  It's a measure of reassurance, of hope, maybe blind faith.  Myself, I certainly plan on it being worth it in the end.  But below the surface, that misses the bigger point.  I was never willing to sacrifice this much of my life for something down the road.  The journey itself has to be worth it.  The older I get, the more I refuse to live in the future or for what lies down the road.  Living in the present tense makes more sense.  It's a concept concept to more eastern philosophies.  I'm not sure how it got lost along the way in the west.  After all, when Moses asks God his name, his response?  I am.  Not, I am this or I am that.  Simply, I am.  This breath, this step, this moment, this all encompassing trip is as much a part of me as when I am all done.

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