October 24, 2009
How many times do we wonder if it's even worth it There's got to be some other way Way to get me through the day Keep going on till dawn How many times must another line be drawn I found my mind wandering the other day and it kept coming back to this whole process. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that never in my life have I gone deliberately into something and had absolutely no clue as to where it might end up. Marriage, parenting, college...sure I was clueless as to how it would go, especially maybe in the beginning, but I could see what was at the end. This? I have no idea. I started this road winter of 2006. That's nearly three years just in the decision making process. And here I am knowing that I'm capable of it all but it feels a bit like I'm already just going through the motions. For instance, next week are the Block II exams. Unlike last time, I'm not the least bit stressed. I'm actually pretty indifferent towards them. I'll pass. The hard part is winding myself up to even study for them. Throughout a lot of my life, I would often feel a bit of a thrill with mastering materials. I've done it enough times that it's starting to get a bit wearisome. A sort of been there, done that and how many more times do I have to prove that I can regurgitate this stuff? From the song above, how many times do I draw another line. It always happens in the end but this time it's taking a little bit longer to get psyched up. I'm hoping that once I get into the actual doctor stuff down the road, that will change. That was certainly true of my undergrad degree. I pretty much hated most of my first few years. It wasn't until my senior year when I got into the upper level classes that I thrived. Straight A student once that happened. So I suck down the nasty tasting medicine and draw another line in the sand.