the stillness in suffering

     "What are you going to do with your time off?" is a common question I overhear other students exchange.  They are young and the world is their oyster.  Me?  What do I do?  Wrestle the demons with full attention that had to be put off in order to finish a rotation.  With free time, their is little else to do but confront those demons.  I write both privately and publicly.  I exercise, not for health benefits but to burn off the anger that builds anew each day.  I do yoga in part to help my back but just as much to yoke my spirit to my body.  I read, mostly books about suffering.  I meditate, or at least try to as my current state of mind makes that difficult.  And I think a great deal.  After all, the other stuff does not encompass an entire day.  In my field where constant movement and work are the norm, my day is contrasted by much stillness.  Laziness would be the term the western world would use to describe it.  I call it trying to reconstruct my world and the way I view it brick by brick by brick.  After all, it does keep getting torn down.  The stillness in suffering is hard work.