deja vu

     The scene appeared all too familiar.  A sense of building rage, anger at the arbitrary nature of it all.  I flashback to the scene in my mind.  It is not hard to recall.  As sweat streamed from every pore, I stared in the mirror of the small gym gazing at my own eyes trying to see what, or if any, mettle lay behind them. Then, it was to judge if I was strong enough for my brother.  Today, the concern is drawn inward instead.  I am the object of uncertainty now.  I am the one who waits with dreaded anticipation.  For me.  Something is not right with my body.  And I do not know what it is.